Scene: Just say no

Each stage in life is different socially.  When I was in my twenties and single, I was available to do anything anytime and so I tried to go and do everything.  That was a fun time in life as I got to travel and try lots of new things, go to concerts and eat at nice restaurants.  


Enter husband 4 years ago today.  Enter son 20 months ago.  Scene: just say no.  


And action or rather no action.  Instead Calm.  Quiet.  Restful.  Intentional.  Meaningful.


This might be a little abrupt and antisocial, but really it's a desire to have a quiet and simple family life.  I don't want to spend every weekend rushing around to activities and meals out and birthday parties.  I like my weekends at home, reading, playing with Miles, walking to the park.  


But I think it is a fine line because I want to see my friends and family.  When do I say yes to an event or activity for our family?  Often I feel guilt not going.  Is that when I should say no?  When the guilt is urging me to go?  Should I go to every single one of Miles' friends birthday parties?  


I'm an introvert and my husband is becoming one as the years go on, so do we just cede to natural tendency?  I don't know.  


I don't think kiddie birthday parties are intrinsically evil or bad, I just don't like attending them.  So help me out friends, what do you think?  What makes it onto your calendar?

Thankful for

my husband who is very patient
my boy who is very cute
friends
family
a clean desk
snow
long runs
church
shiny new daily planner with plenty of possibilities
a lovely house
my local library
a working furnace

Peaceful Hike

Miles and I went hiking today at Green Mountain.  Miles was surprisingly agile on the rocky trail and considering his decision to run.  We hiked up and ate a snack at the top and came back down.  


It appears Miles is not afraid of heights, but he gave me a heart attach a few times while he ran on the drop-off side of the trail.

He also enjoyed picking up "balls" or rocks and throwing them down the steep hill.  Boys will be boys.

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My heart was happy to be outside in the quiet of the day.  It is amazing how you don't realize how noisy and busy the city until you get back to nature. 

Loving the read Last Child in the Woods.  Makes me nostalgic for Evergreen and our tree houses and knowing every inch of our 2 acre property.  

Laws and Principles

I just finished The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Timothy Keller.  I highly recommend this book for both married and singles.  Keller talks about how many enter marriage today with hopes of staying independent while still reaping the benefits of marriage domestically, financially, socially, and sexually.  After a few months or rather weeks, couples find that the other person is just as selfish as they are.  


Keller basis the book on Ephesians 5, you know the line, "wives submit to your husbands."  He talks what this really looks like if the husband is loving and making choices to serve the wife.  And the picture of marriage isn't what you get out of it, but what you give and serve.  


This means I do the dish even if it is my husband's turn.  I make daily choices to serve my husband and think what would make him happy.  I say I'm sorry more often than I have been.  


Keller also quotes Jane Eyre and this struck a cord with me concerning discipline.

I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man.  I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad-- as I am now.  Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be.  If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth?  They have a worth--so I have believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane--quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs.  Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot."  

I did.

I love this.  Mr. Rochester has just asked Jane to move in and be his mistress.  Jane is conflicted, she would love to say yes.  No one would blame her if she did after such a life of hardship.  And he loves her and all you need is love, right?  But she says to herself, "when life was easy and I wasn't faced with a difficult decision, I knew what was right and wrong.  Even though my heart wants to say yes and it would feel good, I know that it is wrong.  I will not trust what feels right, but go with what I know is right.  I stand my ground."

This is why I want to be disciplined because when it becomes routine and rhythm, it will just be part of who I am.  Whether that is God's Word or prayer or running.  


I have heard and used the excuse that doing something everyday is too legalistic.  Where is the freedom?  


The freedom is in God's grace.

2012 the year of discipline

How's 2012 going so far?  We are a day done and 365 more to go this year.  


Did you start off on the right foot with your resolutions?  I went to church and went for a run, check and check.


I went to Grace Church today with my family.  It is a larger church in the suburbs of Denver.  There is nothing wrong with suburbia, but after going to various churches in Denver city, I could sense the difference.  


And it felt like Home.  Yep you heard me right, I liked the organized childcare system, the cushy chairs, the enthusiastic greeters that ALL wanted to shake my hand and wish me a Happy New Year and good morning, the "contemporary" worship band and the "bow your head and raise your hand" prayer.  I admit that these amenities could have tipped the scale either way for me, but the clincher was the pastor preaching from the Bible.  A novel idea for pastors these days.  An added bonus was that the age variation is huge as in everyone there isn't between the age of 25 and 35.


I love new starts and goals and lists, the follow through is the kicker for me.  What's the statistic that most New Years resolutions are broken by the time February rolls around?  I guess most people these days struggle with the follow through, but that's the problem.  My generation (and I include myself in this observation) don't know how to commit.  Yes some of us have said the "I do" and go to our daily jobs, but other than the things you have "to do,"  what things do you do on a daily basis?  


Eat and sleep you gotta do so don't count.  


Ok what about something you are committed to every week?  Week in and week out, no matter what?  Even when you don't feel like it?  "The things that are important to you, you will find time.  The things that aren't, you'll find an excuse."  


I give lip service to Jesus and the poor and family and friends and hobbies, but I also have a lot of excuses.  


Right now we have so many options and choices that I get frozen in indecision and do nothing at all.  


For the past month, I have been thinking a lot about discipline.  The getting up every morning at 6, not because I have to, but because I want to run and read the Bible and pray.  I want to be disciplined.  


Discipline does not feel good which is what our society is stuck on.  I'll go to church when I feel like I need some Jesus.  I'll run when the weather is absolutely perfect with no headwind and not too hot to cause me to sweat either.  Never going to happen.  We wonder why we feel disconnected to our community or friends or Jesus, but we aren't willing to put the hard work into knowing and serving our community or friends or Jesus.  


All this to say I'm guilty, but sick of being lazy and complacent and waiting for just the right feeling.  I am going to be disciplined.  I'm going to read about self-discipline (The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer).  But I know that is not enough.  


I need a plan.


I will go to bed by 10 each night and may need to go to bed even earlier.
I will set my alarm to go off 10 minutes earlier than I am now each week until I get to 6AM.
With the extra time in the morning, I will read the bible.  Adding running when I have more time.
I will go to church each week that I am in town.  It is just in my schedule.  No option of sleeping in or having a lazy sunday at home.  We will be committed to church.
I will run at least 4 days a week.  If it doesn't happen in the morning by myself, than it will happen in the afternoon with Miles.
I will have 1 new activity or craft for Miles each week.
I also would like to hike with Miles each week.


"What I do every day is more important than what I do once in a while."  The Happiness Project.